Life is filled with ups and downs, and that includes our sex drives. When you and your partner are not in alignment with bedroom desires, it can cause resentment and create distance between the two of you. Don’t let uneven libidos wreak havoc on your love life – a few simple steps will help realign the two of you and fan the flames!
Open Communication on the Topic
It is very important to have open, blame-free conversations about this topic to avoid one partner feeling criticized, attacked, or resentful. Whether you desire more sex or it is desired of you, changing your own behavior and having empathy for your partner are critical. Remember that differences in sexual desire within couples are common. Talking openly about your sexual wants and desires will help you find a common ground where you are both happy and satisfied.
Don’t Take it Personal
If you are the partner who desires more sex, it can be difficult to not take the rejection personally. Most likely it has nothing to do with you at all or the attraction he or she feels for you. It is possible that your partner is not in a positive mental state for intimacy, or that he or she simply needs to let the sexual batteries recharge. This low sexual desire can come from a multitude of places. Any amount of stress causes a drop in libido. Maybe there is more work stress than normal, complications with family, financial stress. When a mind is filled with stressful thoughts it’s challenging to get in the mood for sexual intimacy. And let’s not forget, as we age our hormones decline and so does the libido. It’s not that the low libido partner doesn’t want to be sexual or lacks an attraction, it’s simply that he or she lacks a sex drive.
Go Straight to the Source
When a man or woman experiences a drop in libido, it is almost always due to two factors: stress or a change in hormones. As we age we all experience a decrease in our hormone levels. Both males and females lose their libidos as the hormone testosterone declines. Men and women can both benefit from bioidentical hormone replacement (BHRT) since both genders need testosterone. Whether you opt for a pellet insertion or injections, within a few weeks, both males and females will feel a resurgence of their sex drives. When one partner’s libido is much lower than the others, this can be a good way to realign. If both partners’ libidos are sluggish, it is a great idea for both to undergo BHRT together and watch sparks fly! With the added bonus of increased sex will naturally lower stress.
Set Aside Time to Play
It has long been debated about whether you should schedule sex. In a newer relationship, the desire is there, and it happens spontaneously. As a relationship grows and life gets in the way, partners often deprioritize intimacy. While certain life circumstances can make making time for sex more challenging, all the studies say that the more sex you have, the more sex you want! So, scheduling sex at least one time per week is recommended. Pick a less stressful time depending on your schedule and your sexual peaks. Some couples might prefer a slow weekend morning, while others might be excited about a Friday night. As you stick to your schedule, you will likely find that you desire some unscheduled time as well. Planning ahead gives a sense of anticipation and something to look forward to. Spicing things up and trying something new will make it even more exciting, taking you back to when you first met.
Try New Things
Once hormones are regulated and both partners are in the mood, each partner should communicate openly and honestly about what will keep his or her flame stoked. Having the same sexual experience year after year can get boring and stagnant. Remember when you first met, everything felt new and exciting. We need to spice things up and bring some of that back. Experts say that sex is better when there is excitement and is slightly dangerous. That element of danger heightens the emotional response in the brain, making you feel like the sexual experience is even better. It’s time to step outside your comfort zone and try something new.
Some ideas for spicing up the bedroom play include role-playing, buying new lingerie, experimenting with new sex toys, playing with temperature (put an ice cube in your mouth and take it from there), and pushing the boundaries with sex in public places. Sometimes just being in your own house can make it difficult to relax. How often have you looked at laundry that needed to be folded, or a home project you have put off for months instead of looking into your partner’s eyes? If these things get in the way, make it a point to rent a hotel room a few times a year for a special night to reconnect.
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